Awkward-isms

Did you know?

1% of the World's Population has an IQ greater than 150.
7% of Women have visible facial hair growth that could be modified into some sort of stylish facial accoutrement such as a handlebar stache.
13% of Men think Birkenstock sandals should be worn with wool socks
27% of World's Population owns a fanny pack with at least two side zippers and an expansion zipper.

These are telling statistics. These are also made up. But, dang, don't they feel real? Look around. Okay, maybe I'm off by like +/- 1% (take that national poll o' polls). Anyhow, one statistic that has to be accurate is this: 90% of awkward people specialize in metaphor mixing.

Here's a perfect example of a mixed metaphor from a friend who I will call Robin (thanks, Robin for the contribution!)

"I was in a bank executive meeting where my boss (second in command to the CEO) was discussing a difficult situation involving the CEO when he said, "i can really feel his pickle." Obviously he was mixing "i can feel his pain" with "he's in a pickle."

But, wait, why is metaphor mixing so awkward? It's not the mere fact that a metaphor was mixed but the reaction that follows. It starts with a prolonged silence combined with an utter look of confusion. I call this the standing coma. There's an occasional blink of the eye and a pool of saliva that accumulates but nothing that would give any indication of functional motor skills. This is followed by a change of direction related to either the weather or the weekend that passed or is approaching. Extreme Awkwards will toss in a witty joke which they saw on the likes of Dora the Explorer - hey, it worked on the 2 yr old.

When in this situation I offer one solution - Ask questions. Ask lots of questions. For example, ask said awkward how his pickle felt? I guarantee you'll be satisfied with anything that follows.